Potential for greatness. Fear of disastrous failure.

Have you ever heard that quote about people being more afraid of their potential for greatness than of their potential to fail?

I was talking to a friend about this last night (a tough conversation to have through texts), and I’m not sure I agree with it. I think people settle for mediocrity because, even though they may see their potential for greatness, simply trying to reach it risks failure. Rather than putting oneself out on a limb and trying to do something great that we wish to accomplish, we shy away and cling to the big trunk of mediocrity where everyone’s hanging on, not failing per say, but also not achieving. It takes a lot of courage to make that leap- to expend one’s time and energy and risk disastrous failure in the attempt to achieve something wonderful.

A handful of my favorite quotes come to mind:

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ~Mark Twain
At first our dreams seem impossible.
Then they seem improbable.
And then, when we summon the will,
They soon become inevitable.
~Christopher Reeves
Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
~Henry Ford
Let us turn obstacles into stepping stones, weaknesses into strengths, disasters into triumphs. ~Author Unknown

And probably the most relevant quote to these thoughts:
For better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank among those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because it is they who live in a gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat. ~Teddy Roosevelt

Powerful, encouraging quotes, yes. However, it’s a much more difficult idea when put into real practice. How do we overcome our tendency toward mediocrity for fear of risking utter failure?

I have a tough term facing me when I return to site today. Not only am I still teaching all of Form IV Biology and Chemistry, but

1) We have mock exams (practice for national exams in October) in a couple of weeks, for which I alone, being the only science teacher at the school, must prepare the lab practicals in Biology, Chemistry, and Physics. I tell them I don’t know what that means, that we don’t really have lab practical exams in the US, and certainly not on Volumetric and Qualitative Analysis. We don’t even have gloves for handling chemicals. But no matter, the job falls on me (I might get help from a fellow PCV, though- cross your fingers!).

2) I am in charge of programming a four day conference on HIV/AIDS teaching knowledge and life skills to both deaf and hearing students in August. As a former (and possibly future again?) camp counselor, the only biologist and the health specialist for the project, I get to plan the whole program and tell everyone else what we’re doing. While I’m really excited about it and will love being a “camp counselor” again for a few days, I’ve never planned four days of activity of 16 deaf and hearing students and five teachers all by myself.

Potential for greatness. Fear of disastrous failure.

3) I’m leading a staff seminar on health tomorrow, which I scheduled for myself and am very excited to do. I have plans to facilitate discussion about health at our school, to talk about what we’re doing right and what we could do better, to brainstorm solutions to the issues we face and to motivate staff to get involved and work a little harder at promoting health in our school. After all, we live in TZ, where malaria and HIV are rampant, sex is still a very taboo subject, and a large majority have no education beyond primary school, if they even reached that far. I’m also going to brief them on the HIV/AIDS Conference so they feel involved and like the project belongs to the school. It’s not me doing my own little thing and taking my counterpart teacher along.

But how can I, an outsider who’s younger than any of them (though with a higher degree), jump in and facilitate and manage such change, make such a huge impact that I hope to affect? I’m scared of the potential to fail, to be totally shut down, which is a very real possibility in this situation. How do I do all I want to do and affect change without stepping on toes, offending people, getting laughed at and told I’m just a kid who doesn’t know anything and thinks she’s better than everyone, an outsider who doesn’t know that Africans are fundamentally different that wazungu (this is seriously an argument I’ve met many times)? How can I be such an effective leader and manager and facilitator?

That’s my job. That’s the challenge. It’s super scary and it’s what I came here to face. Starting tomorrow I guess. But now that I think about it, this might just be the new challenge I need, just what I’m looking for to find the fulfillment in being here when everything is so discouraging. If I can face and conquer this fear of disastrous failure when trying to reach great potential, then I’ll return home to the US satisfied. It may take several, or even several hundred, attempts to succeed, but the attempts are what matters- facing and conquering that fear. And tomorrow is just my first big, scheduled attempt, a beginning to a fierce conversation that I hope will last for the entire time I’m here and beyond and will produce many successes and promote many positive changes.

Here goes...